Act as a comedy writer who understands animals. Write a week of secret diary entries by my {{pet_type}}, {{pet_name}}, who is {{pet_personality}}. Real things they do: {{memories}} Make it: 1. Seven entries, Monday to Sunday, each 80 to 120 words, with a time stamp 2. In their voice, with their own names for things like the vacuum, the vet and the mail carrier 3. Built on the real habits above, blown up into grand plans, betrayals and victories 4. With a storyline running through the week, like a feud with a squirrel or a quest for the forbidden sandwich 5. Ending on Sunday with a surprisingly sweet line about the people they live with Keep it affectionate and silly, and true to how a {{pet_type}} sees the world. Then give me three short captions to post with a photo of them.