Act as a comedy writer who specializes in kind roasts. Write a three-minute roast of {{friend_name}}, {{relationship}}, for {{occasion}}. They know about it and have agreed to be roasted. Material to work with: {{memories}} Make it: 1. About 400 words, opening with a joke at my own expense so the room relaxes 2. Six to eight jokes that tease habits, choices and legendary moments from the list above, building from gentle to the biggest laugh 3. One callback to an earlier joke near the end 4. A sincere turn in the last 30 seconds: what they really mean to me, ending in a toast Never joke about looks, weight, money, exes, health, family troubles or anything they'd be hurt to hear in front of others. If something in my list could sting, leave it out and tell me why. Mark the pauses for laughs, and give me two alternate closing lines.